Not a Good Fit

Hello,

Imagine you are a first-year elementary teacher on a grade-level team, and you have a background in theater that you genuinely love. You have been doing readers’ theater with your students, and they are engaged in a way that feels different. It feels meaningful. It feels like something you could build on.

So you start thinking about what might come next. A full play for all of the students in your grade level starts to feel like a natural extension of what you have already begun. You take a few steps to move the idea forward. You talk with your principal. You share the idea with a few parents. There is some early enthusiasm, and at some point along the way, this idea shifts from something you are exploring to something that feels like it is going to happen.

Then you walk into your next team meeting.

A colleague looks at you and says, “We are hearing that our grade level is putting on a play. You never talked to us about this. You are volunteering all of us for something we did not agree to, and we already have a lot on our plates. This might be something we could do in the future, but not right now.”

That is the moment. Take a second and actually sit in that.  

What would you actually say if you were in that room? Just as importantly, what would drive that response? 

Hold that thought.

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I was asked to speak with a group of graduate students who are working toward their administrative certification. During that session, I told them something I believe strongly: leadership is not a popularity contest. It is a demonstration of responsibility.

Part of that responsibility is knowing what you stand for. Not in a vague way or a “I try to do the right thing” kind of way. I mean being able to name your values and recognize how they show up in your decisions.

To make that real, I gave them a list of dozens of values and asked them to identify their top ten.

If you have never done this before, stop here and do it. The list is not exhaustive, so you may need to add what is missing.

Do you have your ten?

I can wait.

Really.

Do the exercise.

Now cut your list in half and get down to five. Yes, I know. You just worked to get to ten. That is the point. I can wait.

Now take those five and get to three. I will wait.

When you are forced to choose at that level, you begin to see what actually drives your decisions, not what you say drives them, and not in vague generalities. It's what's at your core.

I shared my own core values: integrity, progress (not perfection), reflection, psychological safety, and collaboration. More importantly, I explained that I use them.

When I started my new job, I told people my core values. In meetings, I say things like, “You know that I value progress, so I am not looking for us to figure out how we will do this in five years. I am hoping we can figure out the best place to start so we can improve from there.” In more difficult conversations, I say, “Psychological safety is really important to me. I want you to know this is a space where we can speak honestly without fear of judgment. We can disagree without being disrespectful.”

Before I named it, no one was talking about psychological safety. Now it shows up in our conversations and even in our strategic plan. That did not happen by accident. It happened because values were named and then lived.

I learned the value of being able to name your values from a former colleague who answered every interview question through the lens of her values. No matter what she was asked, she would say, “I would do this because I value this,” or “This aligns with my value of that.” At the time, I realized I could not do that as clearly as she could. That realization stayed with me, and it changed how I think about leadership and how I behave as a leader.

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Going back to the classroom with the grad students, at the end of the session, I opened it up for questions.

One of the professors, a highly respected and widely admired retired superintendent, said he was reminded of a question he used to ask at the end of every teacher interview. He told me that his team waited for it, because he never hired anyone who did not answer it the way he wanted.

He shared the scenario I shared with you at the beginning of this post.

I asked him what the right answer was. Then he asked me, “What would you say?”

“I do not think you would hire me based on my answer,” I admitted.

He told me to go ahead anyway.

So I did.

“I would apologize. I would acknowledge that by going rogue, I moved forward without including my team, and that I allowed my excitement about the idea to get ahead of my responsibility to collaborate. I would own the fact that I had effectively volunteered them for something without their input. The fact is, their response is not necessarily a rejection of the idea. It is a response to the way it was approached, the timing, and the workload. It sounds like this is not a ‘no,’ but a ‘not yet.’ Is it possible for us to collaboratively plan this year so we can implement next year?”

He looked at me and said, “You are right...I would not have hired you.”

He explained that my answer showed that I gave in to peer pressure and that I should have focused on doing what was best for students. In his view, putting on the play was clearly what was best for kids, and that should have driven the decision.

I told him I thought he was right not to hire me, because what became clear in that moment was not that one of us was right and the other was wrong, but that our values were different.

“You placed a higher value on innovation and on pushing forward with a strong idea, even in the face of resistance. I place a higher value on collaboration and integrity, and for me, moving ahead without my team and committing them to something without their input conflicts directly with both.”

That does not mean innovation is unimportant to me. It means that I believe in collaborative innovation. I believe in building something together rather than one person deciding and everyone else adjusting after the fact.

There is also a deeper issue embedded in his response. The phrase “what is best for kids” sounds clear and definitive, but it is often subjective. What one person defines as best may not align with another’s perspective. When that phrase is used to justify decisions that undermine trust or damage team culture, it deserves closer examination.

We do not serve students in isolation. We serve them as part of a team, and the way adults work together has a direct impact on what students experience, but read my post, Two Truths and a Lie for more on that.

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Here is the truth.

It would have been very easy for me to answer that question the way I thought he wanted me to answer it. I could have said that I would push forward, help my teammates understand the value of the play, and find a way to make it happen. I could have said that I would do what is best for kids. I could have said the things that would have “gotten me the job.”

Getting the job is not the goal, living your values is, even if that means you do not get that job.

Before this exchange, I told the class that most of the time when people are unsuccessful, it is not because they are unfit, it's because they are not a good fit. Interviews are not one-sided. They are a two-way opportunity to determine whether there is alignment. If the answer is no, then you do not want to be there, even if you want the job.

So go back to your list. Look at your three. Those are not just words, they are your compass. Use them. Even when it costs you something, especially then.

Now go back to the scenario at the start of this post. You are sitting in that team meeting. Your colleagues are looking at you. They are frustrated. They feel blindsided. What do you say? And now that you have read all of this…has your answer changed?

~Heather

P.S. There are moments in life when decisions feel surprisingly difficult, even when the options seem clear on paper.

That is why my Catch of the Week this week is the idea of knowing your values, inspired by Jennifer Barroll’s video Why Do Values Matter?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hgg0qAzj9yM

The core message is simple but powerful: values act like a compass. When you know what truly matters to you, decisions become clearer, priorities become more intentional, and it becomes easier to recognize when something feels “off.” Without that clarity, it is easy to drift toward what is loudest, most convenient, or most expected by others.

What stood out to me is that values are not just abstract words you list once and forget. They show up in daily choices. How we spend our time. What we tolerate. What we celebrate. What we are willing to fight for.

The catch is this: if you do not define your values for yourself, circumstances and outside pressures will often define them for you.

Knowing your values does not make life simpler, but it does make your direction clearer.

P.P.S. Please remember to...

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