Scoring Goals

Hello,

My son Oliver has been playing soccer since he was four years old. This season, as a high school sophomore, he’s had the kind of experience athletes dream of. He was voted co-captain of his team, he plays nearly every minute of every game, his coach trusts him completely, and his teammates’ parents cheer about his leadership and hustle.

He’s having the season of his life.

The conversations in the car after games are filled with his highlights. Oliver is full of energy as he talks about the plays he made and the impact he had. His teammates even joke from the bench with “bingo” cards predicting which opponent he’ll shut down next.

He’s in the spotlight, thriving, and brimming with confidence.

Here’s the twist: this only happened because he failed.

At the start of the year, Oliver tried out for varsity. He didn’t make the cut. He’s not bad, obviously, but there are a dozen seniors on the varsity soccer team. Had he made it, his season would have been spent mostly on the sidelines. If he made varsity, he would have been watching others play, not leading. He wouldn’t have been captain. He wouldn’t have built this momentum or this identity as someone the team counts on.

In other words, losing what he wanted led to his win.

We don’t always get the role we aim for. Just like Oliver, leaders sometimes set their sights on a position, a promotion, or a project that doesn’t pan out. It’s disappointing. But the bigger truth is this: leadership opportunities often come in the places we didn’t plan for.

Oliver couldn’t control the outcome of varsity tryouts, but he could control how he responded. He responded by leaning into JV as though it were the biggest stage available, because for him it was. He gave it everything, and because of that, he got everything in return.

As leaders, our greatest influence comes not from the title we hold, but from the way we show up in the role we’re given. Sometimes the “no” clears the way for a “yes” that we couldn’t have imagined. None of this is to say we shouldn’t take risks or aim high. Trying out for varsity mattered because it showed belief in himself. But equally important is what happened afterward—the choice to embrace the role he did get, to lead, and to shine.

The leadership takeaway? Trust the path you’re on. You may not get what you wanted. But if you give your best where you are, you just might discover you’re exactly where you were meant to be.

~Heather

P.S. This week, I’m catching Native peoples whose histories, wisdom, and presence were for too long ignored, uncelebrated, and undervalued. Indigenous Peoples’ Day reminds us that their traditions are not relics of the past but living practices that enrich us all: storytelling that passes knowledge through generations, stewardship of the land that teaches sustainability, languages that ground identity and culture, and ceremonies that honor resilience and community.

These are not “contributions” to a dominant narrative, they are ways of being that continue to shape our present and future. Today and every day, may we choose to listen to, learn from, and amplify Native voices, honoring them not as a footnote in history but as essential teachers, leaders, and neighbors in our communities.

P.P.S. Please remember to...

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